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One Hour Later: A New Future for a Dad and his Daughter

August 12, 2020

I had a conversation (a coaching session) with a dad recently who sincerely believed that his teenager was not a good person. Nothing about her attitude, behavior, reactions could add up to this parent feeling like his child was going to be a contribution to society or be able to have a good relationship with him, or with anyone else for that matter. He was really concerned and frustrated.


These are a few of the questions we pondered together:


What if you're not the CAUSE of her issues, but what if you could TRANSFORM the relationship just the same?


What if you take on the role of confidante, friend, safe place, accepting of what's so?


What would happen if you regained her trust and she viewed you as someone to turn to, a person with whom she could unload and vent?


How influential and impactful can you be in her life from the inside of her world/mind/life versus being on the outside/shut out/rejected?


What if a lot of her anxiety is due to trapped feelings and thoughts because she hasn't yet had a safe space for that very human need of sharing and connection with someone?


What if you could pivot and ride the wave of her needs and just meet them as they come?


What if that is the only shift you made and it resulted in her becoming more in touch with herself, more confident, more able to branch out?


By the end of our 60 minute phone call, he was in a completely new realm of thought. He was so much softer, so incredibly open to figuring out what he could do to be what she needed instead of trying to make HER into what he wanted her to be and instead of piling on judgement and "positivity" on to her, never really getting curious about what it is actually like to be HER.


This is what I’m talking about when I say build a bridge. This is exactly what I mean. It’s up to us as parents to figure out how to connect with each of our teenagers and meet them where they are at, even when the way they are just rubs us the wrong way and. There is so much nuance, but when you’re so close to a person, a situation, a struggle, you can’t see it. That’s what coaching is about. That’s what I do.

This is a 5 day guide to building a bridge with your teenager! It's free and you just enter in your email so I can send it over! https://bit.ly/VBMBridge

Photo by Analia Baggianoon Unsplash

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